May be it is time to reconsider my feelings for him. Should I spend the
rest of my life waiting for him like this? I remember the last time I had made something
special for him. It was for our anniversary, and as always, I made his favorite
meal and dessert, got myself a new dress with his favorite color, which was
turquoise blue and then set the table for a special candlelit dinner with soft
music in the background. But that day, he didn't come home at all. He just
called me and said that he was on his way to airport, and that he was going to
New York for business contract. Well that’s what he said at that time and
believed him. Why shouldn't I? Most important thing was that he forgot our
anniversary. Again!
I cried bucket that day, most of the day anyway. Then I decided, why
should I cry over a guy who doesn't care for me at all? I was just a commodity
to him. Nothing more. I decided that it was time to take my life back in to my
hand. So I left him a message for him to call me as soon as possible and that
it was matter of life and death. And guess what? He called me an hour later.
Well that worked. So I told him that I want a divorce. Yes I told him over the
phone. Normally I wouldn't spring something like this on the phone, but what
else could I do when he is never at home? So when I told him, he said he will
be home soon so that we could discuss this. I didn't see any need for any
discussion. What we had before is over. He changed, and I didn't. He is not the
guy I fell in love 12 years ago. He was so caring and loving. That is what I
wanted from him most. Not this shell of a marriage.
So as usual, I waited for him to come home so that we could end this
once and for all. I thought this day too would be just like before. But
surprisingly it wasn't. He came home that day and early too. I didn't know
whether to laugh or cry at this. So I just stood staring at him, waiting for
him to say any thing.
“Tracey” he said. He was looking pale and little bit of frightened. I
didn't know why. “Please, forgive me” he said. I looked at him, but didn't say
anything. This was his turn to talk. “I know I treated to badly, but I didn't
know how much until you told me about the divorce”
“What?” I exclaimed, “You know that, but not how much?” I asked
him “what sort of comment is that?” I was getting angry now. Who wouldn't be
with that insensitive remark?
“But Tracey, you love me!” he said
“I loved you, yes. But not anymore Brian” I said
“What? You mean you found someone else?”
Of all the things I didn't expect him to say that. He thought I was
leaving him, because I found someone else? What a colossal nerve of the man. To
think that I sacrificed 12 years of my life for such a man, I wonder if there
is anything wrong with me.
“Are you crazy? Is that what you
think what happened?
“Isn't it?”
“No, it isn't” I said. “It seems you didn't understand me at all. Well
let me tell you something Brian. When we first met, you were so great and kind,
so funny, that I fell in love with you. But over the years, the love that we
shared, just wilted away because you stopped loving me. You spent all of our
marriage time on your business that I was left with nothing. I forgave you for
all the missed dinners and forgotten anniversaries. But this is the last straw”
I said.
“But Tracey, I didn't stop loving you, I still do love you. All this
time I worked so that we could live happily, so that I could give everything
you wanted”
“Happily?” I asked “is this what it looks like, me spending alone in
this big house happily? You think that it’s all I wanted. It shows how much you
know me. All I wanted was your love. I didn't want all this wealth. They are
nothing. This house is nothing, just an empty building without a soul. You
didn't even ask what I want.” I told him. All this talk was making me teary,
but it was kind of a relief. Finally got the chance to say what I wanted to say
after a very long time.
“If you felt that way, we could have just talked” he said, the
insensitive jerk
“Talk?” I looked at him, amazed that he could say such a thing. “When
did we ever get the time to talk? YOU WERE NEVER HOME” I shouted the last bit.
I couldn't control it.
Then I really looked at him. He still didn't understand. He just looked
confused now. Then I saw myself in the future. How I would be if I decided to
stay with him in spite of all this. It was really a scary thought. Lonely and
bitter old woman that is what I would be. And I didn't want that. I wanted more
out of this life. I want to really live, not this empty shell of a woman that I
have been all these years. I want to see the world, travel as much as I can if
it is possible.
Then I looked at him and said “it’s over Brian, I want a Divorce!”
