Scars so Deep…

I remember her face. Eyes bruised, face pale. She always replied the same. “Just knocked in to a door, son. Don’t worry, it’ll fade”

She used to say that often as I can remember, and I believed it that time. Of course I was a small boy then. I didn’t realize what was happening. I never realized that ‘He’ was responsible for that. And I admired him because he always looked smart. I once thought that I was going to  be like him one day for ‘He’ was my hero.

Just today I became just like him, the man I thought my hero, a man who was responsible for what ‘she’ went through all that time.

But, now I am looking at a different woman. It is my Wife, Bearing the same bruise on her face. But this time, it was not ‘him’ who was responsible; it was I who inflicted on her this terrible pain, all because I was angry over a small matter.

And I heard her telling our son “Just knocked in to a door, son. Don’t worry, it’ll fade”

Now I understand what ‘she’ said all those years ago, the words ‘I just knocked on to a door’ really means.

Hidden Love

A total silence in the room. I knew he has been listening to what I have been telling him all this time, though he didn’t show any reaction. His face looked as if carved in a stone. I kept waiting for him to speak but couldn’t bear the silence any longer. So I got up to leave the room. I almost reached the door when he at last spoke.

“Is that your final decision?”

I turned to look at him. Then I saw it. His face was full of pain. I felt the love I had for him almost thaw my frozen heart. A frozen heart as a result of his continuous indifference he showed me during the brief marriage. I thought I could make him love me, but I realized that I couldn’t make someone falling in love just because we love them.

I turned back to the door and said ‘Yes, that’s my final answer”

“Why?” he asked

“Because.. I love you” I told him without turning.

“You love me?” he asked. “Then why leave me at all?”

 I didn’t reply. So he strode back to me and turned me to face him. He still had his mask of indifference on his face. So it gave me the courage to shrug his hand off and run to the door. But before I left that study room, I told him.

“You don’t love me back”

I ran like all the bats of hell were after me. Tears were coming down. All my unhappiness coming out at last. I was at last inside the bedroom we shared and was about to close the door, when it was pushed. He stood there watching me. I never heard him coming after me. He then came to the room and grabbed me by my arms. His face now full of anguish. Well so was mine.

“Not love you back?” he asked. “What do you think I’ve been doing these last few months” and then pulled me back to him. I was shocked. I couldn’t speak, so I just stood staring at him with my tearful eyes.

Then I at last saw what I was seeking in his eyes. Eyes that held me spellbound the first time we met. it was love.

“ I love you my darling” he finally said. “And all these while I was waiting just for you to say those words to me” and he kissed me. The most wonderful kiss he has ever given me.

The Harlequin/Silhouette 2011 Reading Challenge

Another Challenge for Harlequin Readers...
http://harlsilreadingchal.blogspot.com/2010/11/harlequinsilhouette-2011-reading.html

Rules: 1) Challenge is from Jan 1, 2011 to Dec 31, 2011.  2) All of the books must be from the Harlequin family of imprints (includes Mira books as well)  3) Read one book for each of these requirements:

1. A relationship in the title (mother, father, brother, sister, etc.)      2. A weather condition in the title (rain, snow, storm, etc.)      3. An occupation in the title (cop, nurse, doctor, etc.)      4. A book with the author's first or last name beginning with "C"      5. A name in the title (Mary, Sam, etc.)  Here goes my List:  1. Daughter of the Misty Gorges by Essie Summers  2 .Rainy Day Kisses by Debbie Macomber  3. The Quiet Professor by Betty Neels  4. Crescendo by Charlotte Lamb  5. Emma's Wedding by Betty Neels  Status: Challenge Complete

Wounded Heart...

In my whole life, I have always been standing outside looking at the world with longing. Love was never a part of my life before. Perhaps if my mother was alive, then I wouldn’t have felt like this would I?

Mothers always love their kids, don’t they? Without love in my life, I’ve learnt to survive. I made others notice me; they no longer pity me or ignore me for they have something to say for my misdeeds. And I who had been ignored most of my life, learnt to love that attention whether it was said in anger, hatred or even contempt.

What do I care about their remarks or opinions?

But all this changed when you came in to my life. You enchanted me with your sweet innocent eyes that could see through my soul. Your bewitching smile that captivated me from the start made me forget what a wastrel I am. Your kind and generous heart that made me ashamed of myself for the things I have done.

I never thought that anyone could make me feel the way you did, even without trying. You brought me sunshine to my dreary dark world. You are the light that brought me from the darkest of my hell.

I have forgotten to live and you brought me back to life. Until you came along, I never knew I was capable of love. Your sweet gift of love taught me what it is to be loved and how wonderful it is to give love in return.

You healed the old wounds I carried all my life and I love you so much for it with the bottom of my heart

We Danced...

	He is here. I saw him. But he was not alone. What a gorgeous woman he was with. I wonder who she is. He barely noticed me, well, who would? Compare to her, I am no beauty. Well she is welcome to him. That’s what I told myself. Of course I am not jealous! Why should I be? I am just a friend to his sister Cathie. I have no right to be jealous of her. I wish I never came to this party!
Cathie introduced me to lots of people except to her brother. Of course there is no need to introduce isn’t it? We knew each other for along time now. But God! I took such a pain to make myself beautiful just for him and he just came with another woman who is more beautiful than I could ever imagine. “Oh Jenny, there you are” he suddenly called to me. I didn’t even notice him coming nearer. What must he think of me? “Cat got your tongue?” he asked. His eyes were laughing at me as he always does. “I…no…” I was speechless for a moment. “oh I can see” he said smilingly. “Well let me introduce Tina. She is my cousin and you have never met her before, Tina, this is Jennifer, Cathie’s best friend.” It was his cousin! I could dance a jig or so. And I could keep on hoping that he will notice me, now that I have grownup. Then Tina was called away. And he turned back to me. “Well Jenny, you have grownup to be a beautiful young woman. And then there will be lots of admirers fighting for your hand! Mark my words Jenny” he said and I wondered what he would say if I tell him that the only admirer I want would be just him.
Well at least he noticed me as a grownup young woman instead of the little brat who followed him begging him to take her Cathie around.   We talked for a while and then he did something I’ve been dreaming for a long time. He asked me to dance with him. Imagine that! Then the party was all I ever could hope for. We danced and danced that night, and I wished it can go on forever and ever. Jut to be with him!

Good bye...My Love...

Please forgive me for leaving you

But I had no choice with me

You have been so kind to me

But I cannot repay you for it 

I can still remember

Your loving care when I was sick

Your loving trust when I needed you

Your loving guidance when I was lost

I shall never forget them till I die

But how can I repay you with only few words?

I still remember the day you proposed to me

A still remember the day I accepted you

And I never regretted it, for you have been a wonderful husband

And I still remember the day

You took me in your arms for the first time

It was like magic

In your arms, I felt as if I was in heaven

I felt like I was floating in the air

And it was all because of you

I guess this is goodbye

I will never forget you

I will always remember you

But I have to go

Not because I hate you

Nor because I am betraying you

I leave you because

I love you so much, I am afraid of hurting you

I leave you because

I have to find myself in this world

I have to be prepared to live without you

And you without me

For my time has come to leave you

And this lovely life with you

End of a Friendship

It’s been a long time

Since I met you

I can’t help thinking if you have forgotten me

I used to think that you were the best

But I never thought that you would change

I value our friendship

More than I ever could say

It was heart breaking to find out

How worthless it was to you

I regret ever having met you

Coz I have shared many things with you

All my deepest thoughts, my secrets and my love

Only to find that you have betrayed me

I cannot tell how hurt I was

It wasn’t easy for me to bear the pain of betrayal

And it wasn’t easy for me to see you go

Now that I have mourned the death of our friendship

I can forgive you with all my heart

But I will never forget your betrayal and your tainted past

This is the end of our friendship

An end of an Eden

The end of a beautiful bond

May God forgive you and bless your tainted soul

For I can give you my forgiveness

But not my friendship ever again!