Waiting Time...

“Jenny” he called

I stood still, but didn’t turn, waiting for him to speak.

“I know you are angry” he continued “I know it was wrong of me, but try to understand” he begged.

Then I turned and looked straight at him. He was standing there, a sad expression in his face, as if it is the last time he would ever see me, as, if after today, our parting will be forever

“Understand?” I asked him. My voice was cold I know, but I couldn’t help myself, here I am, heartbroken in to pieces and he just want me to understand it. “What is there to understand Keith? You told me what you have to do and I understand all right, understand really well” said I and turned back to go. Away from him, never to come back but his voice stopped me.

“I am sorry Jenny, I am sorry I hurt you, but if there is anything in the world I can do to spare this moment, I would willingly give my life to it.”

“Being noble Keith?” I asked him. He winced. I know it was because of the sarcasm he heard from my comment, which he had never heard me use before, but what else could he expect? That I would willingly accept what he was telling me? That I would willingly accept this pain he is causing me with his words?

“You know, I am not sorry that this has happened. At least this showed me what it will be if we have continued. Now at least I know what a coward you really are” I told him and ran as far as my leg would carry me. As far as possible from him. Then I could cry in private for the pain Keith had caused me.

Oh Keith! How could you! How could you do this to me? If you could just asked me, I would wait for you. But you didn’t. You decided that this is for the best without consulting me. How can it be for the best? I wanted to shout these words to him. But it was too late. I loved him with all my heart and yet it was not enough. He was leaving me behind…

I came back from my memories. It was raining hard and I couldn’t stop the memories coming back to haunt me. That long ago, when I loved Keith, who also loved me back. But he also broke my heart with his decision to part because he was going away to join the war. To fight for our country. But I was selfish. I wished he would stay for me. That my love will be enough to hold him to me. But I was wrong. I understood now. He couldn’t ask me to wait for him, because he knew someday he may not return. He was noble and sacrificing. But I didn’t want that. I wanted him. No matter what, I waited for him even though he didn’t want me to. All these years when he was away, I kept on listening to the news on the radio for any news that I can get. And prayed daily to keep him alive just for me. It didn’t matter that we are not together, as long as he is alive, it was enough for me. I would wait. Yes I would wait.

Time passed. I never heard from him again. He never wrote to me. I cried every night. Nobody heard my sobbing. Life went on, but I still waited for his return. Waited with every breath I had because without him I am nothing. Nothing.

Then I heard it.

I heard that he was back. He is alive, my heart cried with joy. And waited for him to get in touch with me. For him to send a word for me. But he didn’t. Why? I wondered. I sent him a message, but didn’t get anything back.  So I decided that I would go and look for him.

I travelled just to see him. I was even ready to camp on his doorstep I f he didn’t receive me. Such determination I had. My hope was not wasted, because he was there to open his door. I was so happy to see him that I didn’t notice that something was missing. Then he said “who’s there?”

I just stood there. Disbelief written all over my face. Then I noticed, his eyes were blank and was gazing straight without proper direction. I realized then why he didn’t get in touch with me. Why my messages were not answered.

He was blind!

“Who’s there?” he asked again, this time with a strong voce.

“Keith” I whispered. My eyes were filling with tears, not of pity but of love,

“Jenny” he said softly.  Then he said in a harsh voice “why did you come?”

“I came to see you Keith” I said

“Why? I told you that we are done” he was about to close the door.

“Keith please”

“Go back Jenny. I don’t need you” he said and tried to close the door again, but I stepped inside before he could stop me.

“Go back Jenny” he repeated

“No, Never!” I cried “I can’t Keith, I love you. Please don’t send me back”

“You waited for me’ It was not a question but statement.

“Yes. I waited. What else could I do Keith? I know I was angry and I said hurtful things to you. But I understood what you told me but I couldn’t accept it. How can I?” I asked him

“I was afraid of that” he said “but I can’t marry you now Jenny. Nothing is changed”

“Nothing is changed? You are alive, how can you say that?

“I still can’t. You don’t understand”

“Why?”

“Why? You ask me why? Look at me Jenny” he cried

“I am looking at you” I told him softly

“Don’t you see Jenny, I am blind. How can I take care of you, when I can’t take care of myself” he said bitterly.

“It doesn’t matter Keith, it doesn’t matter. You alive that is all matters”

“It doesn’t matter? Of course it matters”

“No it doesn’t. Unless…” I stopped suddenly with a doubt in my voice.

“Unless?” he asked

“Unless you don’t love me anymore”

“Not love you anymore? How can I not? I loved you from the first moment we met Jenny. Nothing has changed in that way” he said and held his hand.

I ran to hold me and we were both crying while hugging each other.

“But Jenny, I am blind” he said and this time it was just statement. An acceptance of what was happening.

“it doesn’t matter Keith” I reassured him “ would you leave me if I was the one who is blind?” I asked him.

“Never!” he said.

“Exactly!” I said “then now you understand how I can never leave you”

And that was that. He hugged me so strongly that I was little hurt, but the pain was forgotten with the happiness I got when he said “I love you Jenny, I love you so much that I was dreading a life without you, but I couldn’t ask to wait for me when I was not sure if I will be able to return to you.”

“I know love, I know, but it’s all over. We are together now and that is all that matters”

“Yes, together” he said and smiled. We embraced again. 

I knew then there will be hardship in the days ahead to come, but with him beside me, I know I can overcome anything. Because we all heard through all our lives “True Love Conquers All”

Scars so Deep…

I remember her face. Eyes bruised, face pale. She always replied the same. “Just knocked in to a door, son. Don’t worry, it’ll fade”

She used to say that often as I can remember, and I believed it that time. Of course I was a small boy then. I didn’t realize what was happening. I never realized that ‘He’ was responsible for that. And I admired him because he always looked smart. I once thought that I was going to  be like him one day for ‘He’ was my hero.

Just today I became just like him, the man I thought my hero, a man who was responsible for what ‘she’ went through all that time.

But, now I am looking at a different woman. It is my Wife, Bearing the same bruise on her face. But this time, it was not ‘him’ who was responsible; it was I who inflicted on her this terrible pain, all because I was angry over a small matter.

And I heard her telling our son “Just knocked in to a door, son. Don’t worry, it’ll fade”

Now I understand what ‘she’ said all those years ago, the words ‘I just knocked on to a door’ really means.

Hidden Love

A total silence in the room. I knew he has been listening to what I have been telling him all this time, though he didn’t show any reaction. His face looked as if carved in a stone. I kept waiting for him to speak but couldn’t bear the silence any longer. So I got up to leave the room. I almost reached the door when he at last spoke.

“Is that your final decision?”

I turned to look at him. Then I saw it. His face was full of pain. I felt the love I had for him almost thaw my frozen heart. A frozen heart as a result of his continuous indifference he showed me during the brief marriage. I thought I could make him love me, but I realized that I couldn’t make someone falling in love just because we love them.

I turned back to the door and said ‘Yes, that’s my final answer”

“Why?” he asked

“Because.. I love you” I told him without turning.

“You love me?” he asked. “Then why leave me at all?”

 I didn’t reply. So he strode back to me and turned me to face him. He still had his mask of indifference on his face. So it gave me the courage to shrug his hand off and run to the door. But before I left that study room, I told him.

“You don’t love me back”

I ran like all the bats of hell were after me. Tears were coming down. All my unhappiness coming out at last. I was at last inside the bedroom we shared and was about to close the door, when it was pushed. He stood there watching me. I never heard him coming after me. He then came to the room and grabbed me by my arms. His face now full of anguish. Well so was mine.

“Not love you back?” he asked. “What do you think I’ve been doing these last few months” and then pulled me back to him. I was shocked. I couldn’t speak, so I just stood staring at him with my tearful eyes.

Then I at last saw what I was seeking in his eyes. Eyes that held me spellbound the first time we met. it was love.

“ I love you my darling” he finally said. “And all these while I was waiting just for you to say those words to me” and he kissed me. The most wonderful kiss he has ever given me.

The Harlequin/Silhouette 2011 Reading Challenge

Another Challenge for Harlequin Readers...
http://harlsilreadingchal.blogspot.com/2010/11/harlequinsilhouette-2011-reading.html

Rules: 1) Challenge is from Jan 1, 2011 to Dec 31, 2011.  2) All of the books must be from the Harlequin family of imprints (includes Mira books as well)  3) Read one book for each of these requirements:

1. A relationship in the title (mother, father, brother, sister, etc.)      2. A weather condition in the title (rain, snow, storm, etc.)      3. An occupation in the title (cop, nurse, doctor, etc.)      4. A book with the author's first or last name beginning with "C"      5. A name in the title (Mary, Sam, etc.)  Here goes my List:  1. Daughter of the Misty Gorges by Essie Summers  2 .Rainy Day Kisses by Debbie Macomber  3. The Quiet Professor by Betty Neels  4. Crescendo by Charlotte Lamb  5. Emma's Wedding by Betty Neels  Status: Challenge Complete

Wounded Heart...

In my whole life, I have always been standing outside looking at the world with longing. Love was never a part of my life before. Perhaps if my mother was alive, then I wouldn’t have felt like this would I?

Mothers always love their kids, don’t they? Without love in my life, I’ve learnt to survive. I made others notice me; they no longer pity me or ignore me for they have something to say for my misdeeds. And I who had been ignored most of my life, learnt to love that attention whether it was said in anger, hatred or even contempt.

What do I care about their remarks or opinions?

But all this changed when you came in to my life. You enchanted me with your sweet innocent eyes that could see through my soul. Your bewitching smile that captivated me from the start made me forget what a wastrel I am. Your kind and generous heart that made me ashamed of myself for the things I have done.

I never thought that anyone could make me feel the way you did, even without trying. You brought me sunshine to my dreary dark world. You are the light that brought me from the darkest of my hell.

I have forgotten to live and you brought me back to life. Until you came along, I never knew I was capable of love. Your sweet gift of love taught me what it is to be loved and how wonderful it is to give love in return.

You healed the old wounds I carried all my life and I love you so much for it with the bottom of my heart

We Danced...

	He is here. I saw him. But he was not alone. What a gorgeous woman he was with. I wonder who she is. He barely noticed me, well, who would? Compare to her, I am no beauty. Well she is welcome to him. That’s what I told myself. Of course I am not jealous! Why should I be? I am just a friend to his sister Cathie. I have no right to be jealous of her. I wish I never came to this party!
Cathie introduced me to lots of people except to her brother. Of course there is no need to introduce isn’t it? We knew each other for along time now. But God! I took such a pain to make myself beautiful just for him and he just came with another woman who is more beautiful than I could ever imagine. “Oh Jenny, there you are” he suddenly called to me. I didn’t even notice him coming nearer. What must he think of me? “Cat got your tongue?” he asked. His eyes were laughing at me as he always does. “I…no…” I was speechless for a moment. “oh I can see” he said smilingly. “Well let me introduce Tina. She is my cousin and you have never met her before, Tina, this is Jennifer, Cathie’s best friend.” It was his cousin! I could dance a jig or so. And I could keep on hoping that he will notice me, now that I have grownup. Then Tina was called away. And he turned back to me. “Well Jenny, you have grownup to be a beautiful young woman. And then there will be lots of admirers fighting for your hand! Mark my words Jenny” he said and I wondered what he would say if I tell him that the only admirer I want would be just him.
Well at least he noticed me as a grownup young woman instead of the little brat who followed him begging him to take her Cathie around.   We talked for a while and then he did something I’ve been dreaming for a long time. He asked me to dance with him. Imagine that! Then the party was all I ever could hope for. We danced and danced that night, and I wished it can go on forever and ever. Jut to be with him!

Good bye...My Love...

Please forgive me for leaving you

But I had no choice with me

You have been so kind to me

But I cannot repay you for it 

I can still remember

Your loving care when I was sick

Your loving trust when I needed you

Your loving guidance when I was lost

I shall never forget them till I die

But how can I repay you with only few words?

I still remember the day you proposed to me

A still remember the day I accepted you

And I never regretted it, for you have been a wonderful husband

And I still remember the day

You took me in your arms for the first time

It was like magic

In your arms, I felt as if I was in heaven

I felt like I was floating in the air

And it was all because of you

I guess this is goodbye

I will never forget you

I will always remember you

But I have to go

Not because I hate you

Nor because I am betraying you

I leave you because

I love you so much, I am afraid of hurting you

I leave you because

I have to find myself in this world

I have to be prepared to live without you

And you without me

For my time has come to leave you

And this lovely life with you

End of a Friendship

It’s been a long time

Since I met you

I can’t help thinking if you have forgotten me

I used to think that you were the best

But I never thought that you would change

I value our friendship

More than I ever could say

It was heart breaking to find out

How worthless it was to you

I regret ever having met you

Coz I have shared many things with you

All my deepest thoughts, my secrets and my love

Only to find that you have betrayed me

I cannot tell how hurt I was

It wasn’t easy for me to bear the pain of betrayal

And it wasn’t easy for me to see you go

Now that I have mourned the death of our friendship

I can forgive you with all my heart

But I will never forget your betrayal and your tainted past

This is the end of our friendship

An end of an Eden

The end of a beautiful bond

May God forgive you and bless your tainted soul

For I can give you my forgiveness

But not my friendship ever again!